Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Randomize
