The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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