Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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