I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
