I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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