How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
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Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
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He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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