ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
