he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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