Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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