I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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