The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
