It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
