I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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