would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
