You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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