dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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