I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
