NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
