well I can't set my house on fire every night
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
