Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
