yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Well I just put wine in my tea
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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