ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
