she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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