I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
