I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
