Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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