Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
