ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
