I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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