best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
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