he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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