WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Floor bacon is actually really good
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
