I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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