i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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