i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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