I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
