Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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