I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
