Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
