a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
