Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Non-Jews are for practice
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
