You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
