I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
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