You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
