Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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