Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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