Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
