when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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