Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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