Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
