i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
