Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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