my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
