you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
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We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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