I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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