My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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