The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
