I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
