Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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