remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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