2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
