My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
