I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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