So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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