The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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