i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
