I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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