Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
