3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
