if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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