On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
