i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize