im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
