So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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