worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
