so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
