i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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