Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think people are normalizing furries
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize