I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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