this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
