1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
