He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
