I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
